Honesty

I have a problem with honesty but its not what you think! Tho I stand before you fully clothed I ask that you appreciate my body of words as I readily expose myself to you in this most artful form of nudity.

Honestly... for years I have been running from myself. For years I have hidden my tears, fears and depressions behind false pretenses. Frustrations and emotional suppressions made me weak. All in the name of playing my role in a faux production of perfection seeking the affirmation of positive review from critics that I wasn't even sure existed!

You think you know me? All the You-Should-Let-Me-Love-You's and the I-Want-To-Be-Your-Man's wanna wife me and always askin "Why won't you trust me?"  and "Why won't you let me in?" How do I tell you that when you touch me I am just a child again and I remember welcoming unwelcomed touches to private places. That innocence was stolen from me by members of my own family. Through my minds eyes I watch as my young eyes grow wide as my young mind processed words declaring that they hated me... That diary... These images 24 years later still come back to haunt me... So when your hand met my skin and I jerk away involuntarily this is in fact the place it takes me.

My truth is not as beautiful as my black skin but as deep as the the feeling I put behind the act of my eyes closing and my hands reaching up to cup the back of your neck or my lips when they curve into yours. My tongue sliping into your mouth searching for much more than the taste of your saliva but praying that if I could just kiss you deep enough I could capture your soul and place it right next to mine so you would fail to see how deplorable and disgusting I really feel... but you did see me and you placed your hand to my cheek. and when you touched me I only felt you! And you accepted every part of me and told me everything i had been trying to hide didn't matter... He called me his black butterfly and placed me on the highest branch in the tree of my own infinities and inceptions. Then I realized that I am perfect because I am imperfection and because he loved me unconditionally I believed him.

Under Your Umbrella

Just something I was playing around with...


As it begins to drizzle
Pull me close.
Keep us out of the rain
Up under your black umbrella
or let it rain on us until we're soaking wet.
Until It doesn't matter either way
Just please shower me with more of the one kiss
you placed on my neck before you left.

I played it back one hundred times
what I would do if I ever saw you again.
Wrap my arms around you... touch you... kiss you anywhere I choose...
Its been over a year
Now were finally here.
But when I saw you sitting there
all those ideas became nothing but butterflies in my stomach

Now I'm walking 10 paces in front of you
because I'm too nervous to walk beside you.
After all this time I can't believe that I'm still acting so shy
Pulse pounding. Palms sweaty.
Wishing you'd walk beside me
and put your arm around me

But maybe you were just as nervous as me.
You couldn't keep your eyes off me.
Neither could I apparently...
Everytime I looked over you'd be smiling back at me.
I couldn't take my eyes off your lips.
Its been awhile since I felt like this.

That rainy Sunday afternoon we walked
block after block
and as I took in the structure of your city
I became more familiar with you
sender of the first Good Mornings almost everyday.

As it begins to drizzle
Pull me close.
Keep us out of the rain
Up under your black umbrella
or let it rain on us until we're soaking wet.
Until It doesn't matter either way
Just please shower me with more of the one kiss
you placed on my neck before you left...