Under Your Umbrella

Just something I was playing around with...


As it begins to drizzle
Pull me close.
Keep us out of the rain
Up under your black umbrella
or let it rain on us until we're soaking wet.
Until It doesn't matter either way
Just please shower me with more of the one kiss
you placed on my neck before you left.

I played it back one hundred times
what I would do if I ever saw you again.
Wrap my arms around you... touch you... kiss you anywhere I choose...
Its been over a year
Now were finally here.
But when I saw you sitting there
all those ideas became nothing but butterflies in my stomach

Now I'm walking 10 paces in front of you
because I'm too nervous to walk beside you.
After all this time I can't believe that I'm still acting so shy
Pulse pounding. Palms sweaty.
Wishing you'd walk beside me
and put your arm around me

But maybe you were just as nervous as me.
You couldn't keep your eyes off me.
Neither could I apparently...
Everytime I looked over you'd be smiling back at me.
I couldn't take my eyes off your lips.
Its been awhile since I felt like this.

That rainy Sunday afternoon we walked
block after block
and as I took in the structure of your city
I became more familiar with you
sender of the first Good Mornings almost everyday.

As it begins to drizzle
Pull me close.
Keep us out of the rain
Up under your black umbrella
or let it rain on us until we're soaking wet.
Until It doesn't matter either way
Just please shower me with more of the one kiss
you placed on my neck before you left...

The sad case of Domestic Violence...

Been working on a new piece... I was inspired to write this by individuals who stay in abusive relationships. I've had a couple friends- mostly females- who've been situations like this although I know there are men who go through the same. One thing that bothered me is why these strong and intellegent people would want to stay in a relationship where they are getting the shit beat out of them but then I think back to a time when I was in love... or thought I was in love with someone. Would I stay? Of course I'd say HELL NO now but one thing I've learned is that a woman's love (can't really speak for the fellas) is something totally different, delicate, and probably the closest thing you can come to unconditional. Once they're really in love there is pretty much nothing you can do to change her mind on the matter. When she decides to give her heart, you have it to hold... or to crush. So this is my take on the situation. Its still in the rough draft stages but I hope you get the gist and can still feel it...

I WRITE THIS IN LOVING MEMORY OF LOVE ITSELF WHO HAS BEEN MISTREATED, TAINTED, AND FUCKED OVER SO MANY TIMES IT HAS BECOME CONFUSED AND NO LONGER KNOWS ITS WORTH. REST IN PEACE... BEAUTIFUL...

              I live for the pain you inflict on me. Everytime we meet you wrap me up in an embrace of chaos and violence... beautiful in its own way. The painful pleasure of  your fist smashing into my face. A broken nose and a cracked tooth. The sweet taste of blood flowing from my busted lip. The cold from the silver on the knife you held up to my throat... Its almost as if you want to kill me but I smile because I know my truth. I know I can make you love me the right way. There is proof in the way your hands caress and soothe my bruised shoulders and back. The way your lips feel as they kiss my neck. One minute you are whispering in my ear exactly the things you know I want to hear then next you are slamming me up against a wall.  Oooooh baby you love me so hard. I pray that in time you will grow to love me softer but I'm just glad it's with me you choose to spend your time. One day the sound of your angry voice summons me. I walk toward you swiftly and carefully. I stand before you and look up into your handsome face though I can barely see from behind two black eyes. The most ugly words escape from your lips. You tell me that you want nothing more to do with me. For the first time you make me cry. I try to wrap my sore arms around you. I beg you to stay. Your heavy open hand strikes hard at the side of my face. You ripped my heart from my chest... and you left...
                 Immediately she dropped dead. But because love cannot die she simply lays there quite still with a lifeless look opon her swollen face. She lays there on the floor... with a broken body, a broken mind, and a gaping hole in her chest blaming herself, believing that she is the reason he left. She will rise a heartless corps walking freely about the earth just hoping to find a real love in reverse.

Why I love to write

I was talking with a long time friend of mine today. We talked about old times and how much we've changed. A big issue came up that he really seemed bothered with which  was how I'm not really into playing the piano as much as I used to be back when we were younger. I told him I still play but that I was really into poetry more now. I pulled out my notebook and decided to let him read over some poetry I had written... Basically he called me a liar and accused me of plyagerism lol. He couldn't believe that I am able to write like I do. He told me that he didn't understand how I am so nervous, shy, and awkward around people but am able to write the type of poetry that I write. This made me laugh but it also got me thinking of why I love writing so much: I am a goofy girl but I am a very reserved person. I just like to observe and take in everything that goes on around. Some people may not see me as the nervous type but once you get to know me closely you can tell that I often use my laugh as a shield. I have been called odd and weird many many times. I am very shy around new people. Its very hard for me to communicate with people I like. Its actually hard for me to communicate verbally with people period. Its hard for me to stay in contact with my friends. I always get very nervous and and uncomfortable when I am the center of attention which happens to be a lot lately- I have no clue why the hell that is! Dammit! The topic of emotions absolutely scares me. I'm just a hopeless case... BUT maaaaan give me a pen and paper and all of that disappears. Its almost like i'm a different person. I can easily write about anything that feels so uncomfortable leaving my mouth. My thoughts which seem so strained and scattered during regular conversation seem to flow with ease. When I'm writing I feel so sure of who I am and I can become whomever I want. When I write I feel powerful knowing that my words and thoughts are real and are coming straight from my heart. Knowing that my words can touch somebody is a feeling unparalled to anything else I've experienced. I have to write. Its a part of me. If I don't I cannot be complete.

Through Eyes Like Mine

To see beauty and grace

In the most unexpected place.

 

To be in broad daylight

And still be in harm’s way.

 

To touch tasteful sounds

And taste the sweet vivid colors

Of life’s music.

 

To know that darkness is more beautiful

When kissed by the sunlight.

 

To having the strength to stand,

But have nobody understand.

Standing alone.

 

To freeze the time

By simply closing your eyes.

 

To free yourself

And know your worth.

 

To free your mind.

To See The World Through Eyes Like Mine.

 

So I've been talking to this man...

Okay people, I've been talking to this guy lately and I'm really feeling him. Now most girls would probably just say "OMG! I been talking to this guy and I like him a lot!!" and call it a day but my ass just had to write something terribly poem-ish smh. I am so hopeless *hangs head in shame* Anyway this is basically how the guy makes my feel ya'll

 

 

 Knock! Knock! Knock! Willingly I undo the deadbolt lock I've placed on the door of my heart. I step back and hold it open for him praying that he'll decide to stay. I try to maintain control of my thoughts but... my hands, my body, my mind, all scream his name. His presence had lingered in the back of my mind since the day I placed that first kiss on his forehead. No, I've never kissed his lips or caressed his smooth black skin but everyday he gives me the pleasure of peaking into his beautiful mind, graciously letting me learn him without the distraction of looking into his almond eyes. His words dance around in my thoughts. He has me wanting to serve my exquisite chocolate body to him in the most sensual ways. I fiend to touch him. My attraction to this man is driving me insane. I am tortured by constant thoughts of our bodies intertwined in passion and love. My heart races, my fingers tingle in anticipation. The sound of his voice gives me butterflies and fills my heart with an inner smile that shows up on my face without my permission. He makes me want to be better physically and mentally. He makes me feel beautiful. I can't wait for the next time I am in his presence. I will bathe in the sunlight of his smile and bask in the admiration of his gaze. So humbled that a woman such as myself caught his attention. I smile as my fingers trace the lines his words have begun to create on my heart.

 

 

 

Call me thirsty but hey what can I say lol.

My truths on Love

LOVE (noun)
1. Strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.
2. attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers.
3. Affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests.
4. Warm attachment, enthusiam, or devotion.
5. Unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another

LOVE (verb)
1. To hold dear.
2. To feel a lovers passion, devotion, or tenderness.
3. To like of desire actively; take pleasure in.
4. To thrive in.
5. To feel affection or experience desire


For some reason most of my friends and family think that I'm a rude, heartless, asshole, who does not believe in love. They have good reason to describe me as such. I have given them no reason to feel otherweise. All my life thus far I have made it clear that I do not want to find love or get married and that I just don't need a man, period. I feel like the time has come for me to set the record straight by stating how I really feel about Love. I DO NOT HATE LOVE. Love is wonderful and beautiful. As a matter of fact, the idea of love is enough to make me tear up so I'm positive once I find it I am liable to cry full out-snot and tears all over the place. So "why?" do you ask, do I insist on playing the "tough girl" routine? Well thats easy... I know myself! As hard as this is for me to admit, I love VERY hard. Maybe a little too hard. I also know most men my age are not looking for any type of relationship. Most just want to have sex with as many women as possible. I'm a smart girl. The calculation of those two facts just don't add up.I don't like to be played with at all. So instead, I use my sarcasm, rudeness, and hardness to guard myself from being hurt. I am famous for shutting men down from trying to get to know me. I refused to give them a chance to know me because for me getting hurt is not an option. Yes I may be an asshole but you will very rarely if ever see me cry because a man cheated or lied to me. I had enough of that and I'm only 24! This is how I protect my heart people! Get over it! ..But now that I think about it, I could have very well turned away some man that I could have shared something beautiful with.

 There are only a few men who have gotten past my barriers and were able to take a look into my soul and I'm sure they will tell you that I am not actually a heartless freak but my heart is warm and I do bleed just like any other woman. I am actually really very soft *shaking my head as I type*  I love writing poetry, most of which is written about love. I like R&B music. I love chocolate.  I actually really do like kissing and cuddling very much, and I'd rather have a mans arms wrapped around me at night. I hate sleeping alone. I also would rather burn some Yankee Candles and make love than workout my frustrations at the gym. For those of you who know me are probably reading this looking as if I've written it in some foreign language but this is the truth. I'm too old to keep pretending that Love is not one of the most beautiful things on this earth.

There you have it. I have removed my armor and opened up just a little about what I really think about this love thing. By the time I hit publish everything will be back to normal but at least you know the truth... that Ms. Tough-Guy is nothing but a fake. I apologize for any inconvienience.

Thoughts B4 Bed

Always make time to spend with the people who will make you laugh and smile. Always cherish friendships. Be quick to help and be slow to burn bridges. Remember sometimes its the little things in life that that have the biggest impact on someone...