Sometimes...

Let me begin by stating
I'm not needy at all.
I don't need you but
sometimes... I do... need you.
Think about what I'm saying.
You know who I am.
A force to be reckoned with,
I'm strong and bold.
I'd rather stand alone and do things on my own.
But sometimes at night my demons appear,
they haunt me with my deepest fears.
And sometimes when I'm alone
old wounds reopen,
and I relive pain I believed I'd forgotten.
Sometimes when its quiet I get stuck in my head,
and I'm surrounded by all of the reasons why I should fail.
Sometimes I get scared
like I am right now
that you'll never see past these walls I've built to protect me.
Sometimes I need you...
And if you don't understand I can't blame you.
I've always been ruled by this -
my unfortunate flaw.
Having the ability to speak and not having the courage to say whats in my heart.

Random Thought-Just Let 'em Live

Sometimes we want to help the ones we love overcome their situational obstacles so badly we hastily jump to the rescue without invitation to do so. We do what we feel must be done for the individual not realizing that what you think is best may not be in their best interest. In fact, your interference may end up doing more harm than good. There is a certain point where you must simply let people live. There is a point where you must realize that your guidance is no longer necessary. Realize that sometimes the only way OUT of a terrible situation is actually going all the way THROUGH it. People need to be allowed to make their own mistakes. Learning from our own mistakes is the only way we can truly grow. Its the only way we will learn our strengths and weaknesses. Going through situation is the only way you can become yourself in your truest form. This can be a harsh process to watch... but if you love them, you will be there for them at a distance until they come to you for help or advice.

This is only my opinion from my own experiences. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Sleeping Kings

I purposefully watch you from afar in hopes that you will wake from your slumber. When your eyes finally flutter open and you rise up, I will welcome you with open arms as the King you always were. As you walk towards me, I witness the combined red-orange light from your sunset and of your New Days Sunrise burning like fire behind you.

My First "Like" Letter

To Whom It May Concern:

As usual, I have questions. I want to know how you feel about me. I want to know if your heart skips beats when you get close to me. Do you stop breathing altogether when we touch? Does your mind ever linger on me for awhile on the nights that you can't sleep? Does your body temperature rise when we catch each others gaze? Do I sometimes cause you to lose your train of thought?  ...I am filled to the brim with unasked questions. Afraid of the answers and tangled up in the musings of my own heart. This ends today... if I can finally stop hiding from the sound of your voice.

If you were to ask me these questions, YES would be the answer to each one. Do you remember the first time you touched me? I felt like every nerve in my body climaxed. I'm sure you noticed that chemistry. We began to explore each other for the first time. I've never had an experience like that ever in my life. I was so sure of my control before I met you. When did I become so weak? Melting from just one touch... I blame you for my undoing. How dare you! Who gave you permission to break me down? Certainly not me! ...but after my anger dissipated, I realize how much I welcome this feeling. Maybe I'm so angry because I don't want you to know how afraid I am. How do I handle being caught up so thoroughly by you.

There are a lot of things I am unsure of but I do know that I don't want anyone else touching me. I don't want anybody else kissing me. I couldn't enjoy a kiss from anyone else even if I tried. You got me. I tried to escape it, ignore it, forget about it but the fact is I just don't want anybody else. Period. My subconscious was already recognizing and responding to you as a King before I even knew what was happening and forgive me if I'm wrong, but If I'm not mistaken I am the Queen that frequents your thoughts. Truth be told, I was yours the day I decided to plant that kiss on your forehead. You are so special to me. We can continue to take our time and go as slow as we need to. I am in no rush but I want to go deeper. I'm not afraid anymore.

                                                                                                                 Signed,
                                                                                                                 Fearless

Where Has Your Fire Gone?

Where Has Your fire Gone?
The fire that warms my soul and my body.
The fire that gave me light and saved me from the cold void that threatened to trap me.

Where has your fire gone?
The fire that thawed the ice around my heart.
The fire in the conviction behind the words that leave your mouth
The flames in your eyes when they met mine for the first time...

Today as I look into your now cold black eyes I ask you,
Where Has Your Fire Gone!?
The fire that burns through my body when you touch me
The fire that lingers on my lips when you kiss me
The fire that lingers over me even when you're nowhere near...

You stare down at me and you take my hand.
No explanation leaves your mouth but I think I understand...
As I was a wanderer in the cold and shadows before you led me out...
Let me be there for you as you are always there for me.
Let me rekindle you..
I refuse to leave you in this pitch black trap.
Let me take you to a place I would dare not take another.
A land where the emotions of my heart run free,
where I hold my secrets,
where I hold the ugliest and most beautiful thngs...
...the place I secretly keep some of your fire inside of me.

I will gladly return what is yours.
And as cold as you have become, accept this small token, a piece of me.
Take as much of my flame as you need which in retrospect was already yours to begin with
So I can look up at you smiling as I once did this time with tears in my eyes
because we've journeyed and came out burning brighter than before... together.
Hold on to my hand and when you wrap your arms around me we will ignite
so much so that we lead others out of their own darknesses.
Eventually we will consume each other but from out own ashes we begin again.

My thoughts on... Dealing With Broken Hearts

Okay people! Time to get over yourselves! ...After you've suffered one horrid break up after another you have dramatically decided to call it quits and give up on love *inserts dramatic pause* forever. Now you're listening to Kanye West's 808's and Heartbreaks and the acoustic version of Evanescence My Imortal on repeat every morning before you head to work, angry ass Eminem rappin to you before bed and queen of hurt Mary J. Blige every time in between. Now you're bitter and shouting "Eff Love!" from the mountain tops like Rihanna did back when Chris Brown slapped her daylights. Unfortunately it is so easy for some people to fall into that trap.
After having your heart broken, you can become so bent on that person you loved and how hurt you felt that you get stuck and forget to move on AND on top of that now that you have decided that you will no longer be giving anyone else a chance to make you happy, that next person that you shut out may very well be the person God has waiting for you but YOU just missed them! You repeat over and over again how much it hurt you to have your heart broken and you vow to never open your heart to another person again. But when you shut your heart off to people those wounds do not heal. You actually get accustomed to carrying that hurt and you become numb to the pain. The wounds will remain and you won't even realize how terrible and bitter you really are until somebody asks you what your favorite song is and your reply is "Cleaning Out My Closet" (Eminem) O_o The next person will try to get close to you but you can't because you are carrying all that anger in your heart.
 Nothing can heal a broken heart but opening it up again for a chance to be loved. Besides being a heartless fool, there is really no way to prevent a heartbreak.  The only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and try to do your part properly next time. Learning from your mistakes is a key part of life. That's how we grow and that's how we gain wisdom. It also makes for interesting stories to tell later.
Now... If you go from one relationship to another repeating the same things and allowing the same crap from different people, den das ya business. You may not be able to control the other person in the relationship but you can control what you will and will not allow. Learn to respect yourself and don't expect anything less than what you deserve. Never short change yourself or settle for bullshit and keep in mind that there are a lot of bullshitters in disguise out there but you can protect yourself by getting comfortable with just being you. Know your strengths and weaknesses. KNOW YOURSELF! Read a book. Get a new hairstyle. Listen to something else besides Mary J. and 808's. Do something! But do not rush into anything with anybody. Be friends first and put God first! Be sure. Take it slow. If they want you, they'll wait so you have nothing but time. Love is not something to be taken lightly but at the same time nobody should have to miss out on something that beautiful. Good Luck!

Honesty

I have a problem with honesty but its not what you think! Tho I stand before you fully clothed I ask that you appreciate my body of words as I readily expose myself to you in this most artful form of nudity.

Honestly... for years I have been running from myself. For years I have hidden my tears, fears and depressions behind false pretenses. Frustrations and emotional suppressions made me weak. All in the name of playing my role in a faux production of perfection seeking the affirmation of positive review from critics that I wasn't even sure existed!

You think you know me? All the You-Should-Let-Me-Love-You's and the I-Want-To-Be-Your-Man's wanna wife me and always askin "Why won't you trust me?"  and "Why won't you let me in?" How do I tell you that when you touch me I am just a child again and I remember welcoming unwelcomed touches to private places. That innocence was stolen from me by members of my own family. Through my minds eyes I watch as my young eyes grow wide as my young mind processed words declaring that they hated me... That diary... These images 24 years later still come back to haunt me... So when your hand met my skin and I jerk away involuntarily this is in fact the place it takes me.

My truth is not as beautiful as my black skin but as deep as the the feeling I put behind the act of my eyes closing and my hands reaching up to cup the back of your neck or my lips when they curve into yours. My tongue sliping into your mouth searching for much more than the taste of your saliva but praying that if I could just kiss you deep enough I could capture your soul and place it right next to mine so you would fail to see how deplorable and disgusting I really feel... but you did see me and you placed your hand to my cheek. and when you touched me I only felt you! And you accepted every part of me and told me everything i had been trying to hide didn't matter... He called me his black butterfly and placed me on the highest branch in the tree of my own infinities and inceptions. Then I realized that I am perfect because I am imperfection and because he loved me unconditionally I believed him.